GOODBYE SERENDIPITY

In other news apparently Serendipity in NYC had to close down because of bad health ratings. I know cheesy because of the movie but that is my absolute favorite place. Like when I think of New York thats what I think about. Sad people...should I go clean it for them?

hello boys...

Here we go USA...

In case you don't know the Sass and I love tennis. We had a break for a little while after the US Open but luckily tennis is a year round thing and we are about to really start up again. Starting with the Davis Cup this weekend. This is a really fun tournament because the boys actually get to be on a team and your not just cheering for one player. USA will play Russia in Portland for the championship. The players consist of Andy Roddick, James Blake and the Bryan Brothers. Also there are Robby Ginepri, Mardy Fish (Fishy), John Isner and Donald Young for practice partners. If you have the Tennis Channel or Versus tune in tonight, tomorrow night and Sunday night. Its a really excited tournament to watch...wish I was there!

If your interested here are some blogs from the players:

http://www.atptennis.com/1/en/blog/bryans.asp

http://www.tennis.com/features/general/features.aspx?id=108516

If you're ever in Memphis and are hungry for some bar-b-que, look up this kid...he'll hook you up.



We're coming to see you Corky's!

Really America???

Don't get me wrong I love Helio and Julianne, but come on Mel B. and Maks. I'm in shock! Maks will always be #1 in my heart...oh and Mel too :)

About a month ago I made some buffalo wings for dinner. I love to make this kind of stuff at home. After eating 5 wings, I came to a realization...MY MOUTH WAS ON FIRE!!!! Normally I have celery, carrots, ranch dressing, etc. to cool off the heat of the sauce. Not this time. WHEW!!!!

Why is this story important? At this very typing, I have the oven pre-heated to 425 and my wings have been marinated in the same sauce as before. Apparently I don't learn lessons very easily.

BRING IT ON!

FLAT TIRES AND SNEEZES

I've had 4 flat tires in the past 2 weeks. Awesome.

The new thing to teach kids is to sneeze into your shirt sleeve. This keeps the germs off their hands. The downfall to this approach is generation walking around with boogers on their arms. I'd gladly take a few germs for not having to look at a snotty sleeve.

The only reason I am still watching Dancing with the Stars:




Maks and Mel B have got it in the bag!

If any of you have any favorite Amber quotes, please let me know. I'm going to have a post of all of the best Berisms. I leave you with one of my favorites.

(While riding to the beach with Liza, Erin and myself, Amber spots a man on the roof of a building on Main Street in Andalusia.)

"I wish he would fall off that roof right now."

Side Hugs: Friend or Foe?

Alright ladies and gentlemen introducing a new part of our blog. Every now and then we will have a featured blogger. Our first is none other than Charles C. Simpson, IV. Just a little inside on Charles his favorite artist is Meiko. If you feel like you are qualified to be a future featured blogger then submit 3 reasons to the Sass and I as to why you should be the next. Here you go..enjoy!

After years of dating, I finally had an epiphany. And, to be clear, upon having this epiphany, I did NOT run over to some girl’s house, hold up an iPod with tiny cube speakers, and blast Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” at her bedroom window. The restraining order won’t even let me get THAT close. Besides, Peter Gabriel is so 80s passé - much like the DeLorean and cutting coke on Molly Ringwall’s glass coffee table.



The epiphany is thus: I remind women of their long-lost conjoined twin. That’s the only possible explanation for all the side hugs I’ve been getting lately.



I first noticed the side hug in middle school, when dances were called “sock hops” and the Top 40 radio station in Mobile was flooded with dedications of Sophie Hawkins’s “Damn, I Wish I was Your Lover” and Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart” to girls named Brandy, Candy, and Mandy. In 8th grade, all I knew about girls was that they liked really bad music. So, whenever they gave me side hugs at sock hops, I figured their arms were tired from holding the telephone to their ear while on hold with a radio station request line. After all, the DJ was going to take their dedication at any moment. And Josh really loves Boyz 2 Men.



But, I was deluding myself. The side hug isn’t the result of tired arms. No, she wasn’t spent from stringing up balloons in the gym all Friday afternoon. She’s a cheerleader, for God sakes! She’s got more than enough pep to muster up a two-armed effort. Just not for you. Irrespective of that, it’s cool. Patience! Stay in milk, drink your school, don’t do drugs, use a lot of Ax body spray, and wail on your pecs at the gym. Invariably, you’ll feel the doubly sweet two-limbed embrace; even in the most formal of social settings.



Except for the Ax body spray, I’ve adopted each of those proscriptions. And, yet, no improvement. The tango used to be a spectacle shared by two zestful souls. Now, it’s simply the mundane flurry and shuffle of feet a woman uses to position her torso to your side; as her one-armed embrace envelopes your neck and shoulder whilst dashing your hopes. Humanity has wiped Polio, dysentery, and Vanilla Ice from the face of the Earth; but the side hug still festers to this very day. And, it’s the hugging equivalent of asking “How are you doing?” without really giving much of a crap about, well, ‘how you are doing.’



Indeed, the one-armed man killed Dr. Richard Kimball’s wife. Concomitantly, the one-armed hug is killing women’s credibility as the sentient, sensitive sex. Your Fresca should be low on calories, not your body language.



Consider this piece of advice as “Driver’s Ed” for single women; except, it’s not coming from some crusty P.E. teacher in gym shorts. Ladies, when a guy comes in for the hug, keep your arms at 10 and 2. The hug is the most innocuous, yet warm, expression of comity out there. The most wonderful thing about an embrace is that it’s inherently comforting despite its simplicity, and it’s just another mechanism of giving that requires letting someone in. All the better if it’s cold outside and you have on a wool sweater.



I don’t blame feminism, Lifetime television, or even the 19th Amendment for the side hug. If Sally Ride can become the first female astronaut despite the ostesible handicap of having female genitalia, then a woman can give a man a two-armed hug during the day or night. For all of their power, hugs are neither a commitment instrument, nor a predicate to unbridled intimacy. I’ve never seen salacious hugging used in an advertisement for a “Girl’s Gone Wild” video. In the same vein, that guy who offered you eye contact, tethered to a smile, on the street isn’t necessarily a pervert. You will not see him the following week, sitting on a bar stool facing Stone Phillips, on “To Catch a Predator” while hoisting a plastic grocery bag of condoms, Mike’s Hard Lemonade, and Tootsie-Roll pops. Seriously. You can use both arms to hug a man without sending him into fits of sexual derangement.



Ladies, don’t take yourself, and your arms, so seriously.

Sass have you seen this??? A little creepy...

Why do the cars in movies and tv shows not have head rests? That's not normal, unless it is normal now and I'm riding around with a head rest and shouldn't be.

Conversations with Denice...

I'm on my way home today and Mom calls.

Me: Hey

Denice: So the Hills...

Me: Yeah

Denice: What did you think

Me: about what

Denice: about Heidi and Lauren

Me: I don't know

Denice: I just don't know I mean did you think what Lauren did was right

Me: (giving in at this point) Well if Heidi found out Spencer did it she should have said something to him

Denice: I don't know know I mean don't you think you would have eventually have forgiven Heidi...I mean thats just not good

Me: Mom you know this isn't real, probably all set up (yes I'm finally admitting that)

Denice: I know but you know we talk about it like its for real

Me: MM HMMM

Denice: Have you heard anything about their relationship?

Me: Who?

Denice: Heidi and Spencer

Me: Nope

Denice: Well I will see you when you get home

Me: OK bye


There you go thats a normal convo with mom.

NEWSFLASH....WE HAVE NOW MADE THE BLOG COMMENT FRIENDLY. SO ANYONE CAN POST. IF YOU POST ANONYMOUSLY INSTEAD OF CREATING AN ACCOUNT WE JUST ASK THAT YOU PUT YOUR NAME. IF ITS TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE WITTY (AHEM YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE) ITS OKAY I CAN PROBABLY GUESS WHO IT IS.

Infatuations

Everybody has their celebrity crushes, right? I mean, at some point in life every person has a small infatuation with someone in the public eye. Please tell me I'm not the only one!

I've not had many of these crushes. One however has hung around longer than the rest. That crush is the one and only, poet of our time...John Mayer. I do love John. He writes songs that are straight from my diary (if I kept a diary, which I've tried to for years but only have gotten through one day for most of them.)

I've seen him in concert 3 times, which for a lot of people would seem like a lot, until you realize that some people actually follow an artist around at all of their tour dates, seeing them upwards of 20 times. He has amazed me every time.

The only problem this presents is this (well, I'm sure there is more than just one problem, but I digress): what happens if I actually do meet said Mr. Mayer? I am really doubting this will happen (although I have changed "6 degrees of Kevin Bacon" to "4 degrees of John Mayer.") If I did meet him, what would I say? Would I act like I don't know who he is? Would I erase my gift subscription to his fan club (thanks Berge, Liza and Han!)? Would I act like I have never seen him in concert? And that's just me...

What about the people in my life who know about my love of John? Would they be able to keep the secret? Now, I have often thought (and still somewhat question) that I am a subject of a reality show, somewhat like EdTV. If so, you are all doing a great job! I am just now figuring it out. If this is true, then he already knows who I am and all of this is for naught.

And I use too many parentheses.

I am some people as mentioned in your previous blog. I have never seen the butterfly dance and am not sure I ever want to see it again. I give it a -.7.

Butterfly dance...

I'm taking a pole (1 being not sexy at all and 10 being very sexy) on if you think the butterfly dance is sexy? Apparently every time a coworker of mine does it the men come running. So let me know what you think peeps.

Also it has been brought to my attention that people don't know what the Butterfly dance is (shocking). So as always here is a video to demonstrate (not all of the moves she does are correct but when you see it you will know)

Bettina is out!!!

Rose Ceremony....who's it going to be??

Soul Sucking Television

THE BACHELOR IS SOUL SUCKING!!!! IT IS CRAP and yet I can't look away.

So clearly the video did not post for the blog below. Sorry guys I'm an idiot. Here is the link if you want to see what I'm talking about below http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gb0Gak88lDA

Kyrie

The wind blows hard against this mountain side
Across the sea into my soul
It reaches into where I cannot hide
Setting my feet upon the road

My heart is old it holds my memories
My baby burns agem like flame
Somewhere between the soul and soft machine
Is where I find myself again

*CHORUS*
Kyrie Eleison
Down the road that I must travel
Kyrie Eleison
Through the darkness of the night
Kyrie Eleison
Where I'm going will you follow
Kyrie Eleison
On a highway in the light

When I was young I thought of growing old
Of what my life would mean to me
Would I have followed down my chosen road
Or only wished what I could be



Oh...Oh...Oh
Oh...Oh...Oh
Oh...Oh...Oh
Oh...Oh...Oh

(repeat to end)


Kyrie Eleison, which means "Lord Have Mercy" is a part of the Catholic Mass or Liturgy, which follows the Act of Penitence. The Catholic Kyrie is, "Lord have mercy; Christ have mercy; Lord have mercy."

Now who knew you were singing about something in a Catholic Liturgy. Be honest in the chorus where they sing Kyrie Eleison you've been singing something different this whole time OR you just sing a sound similar to what they are...sounds the same right? I'm notorious for singing the wrong lyrics I guarantee you I have just recently started singing the right ones to this song. I love to turn it on in my car while other people are in it just to see how they will sing it or what lyrics they have made up for that part.

In case you have no idea what I'm talking about...