Picture it...Madison, Mississippi...1994...Time of Day: Lunchtime at Madison-Ridgeland Academy
Seventh grade Sarah is eating her sack lunch on the new deck on MRA's campus with all of her little seventh grade Sarah-like friends. The bell rings and we all hurriedly gather our trash into our brown paper bags, chug the last sip of Coke (remember, no matter what brand of soft drink you are drinking, it is called Coke) and begin to put our bookbags on our shoulders.
As seventh grade Sarah stands up she notices her pants are sticking to the new wooden bench...yes, her country pink stirrup pants are sticking to the seat. Why would this be happening? Because seventh grade Sarah sat on her dessert, a perfectly delicious, Kay-made brownie. Seventh grade Sarah had a big, brown, chocolately spot on her rear.
This would be embarrassing to most people, but for a middle-schooler it is life-changing. Looking back, twenty-eight year old Sarah would tell thirteen year old Sarah her first mistake was the pink stirrup pants. See, Sarah wasn't the cool kid. She wasn't a dork, just not popular. She had lots of friends, but they were all alike...smart, sweet, conscientious, you knew girls like this. She might have even been wearing her coke-bottle glasses this particular day.
So she heads back, heavy hearted and uber-apprehensive, to pre-algebra class. Miss Edwards decides to assign each student in class one of the previous night's homework problems to write on the board. So seventh grade Sarah walks up in her country-pink stirrup pants to the white board, quickly writing her assigned problem and solution on the board and returning to her seat. No one really notices the brown mark.
While the others are finishing their board work, Miss Edwards lets seventh grade Sarah go to the bathroom where the young ingenue decides to turn her country pink stirrup pants around so the large brown mark is in the front. She then finishes the day's remaining classes proud of her genius idea and convertible wardrobe.
Lessons from seventh grade Sarah
1. Don't wear stirrup pants.
2. Contradictory lesson: Elastic waisted stirrup pants may save you.
3. People really don't notice you nearly as much as you do.
4. One of the reasons for middle school is to provide hilarious stories to tell the rest of your life.
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5. Steer clear of any pants that can be worn both front-wards and back-wards. This cannot be figure flattering at any age.
Well, I guess I'll keep learning all these things about you as long as you post your blog link on Facebook. Aren't you glad your sweet mama provided you with pants that could save the day if needed? ;>)
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