Starbucks in Memphis = Tennis Boys....

This is the Starbucks that we camped out in last year and saw Tommy Haas. We had no idea at the time that he was a tennis player. In fact I remember Sass saying hey I bet thats a tennis player and me saying mmm hmm. Later on that night we were at a match and out he walks onto the court...annnd we freaked out. He won the tournament last year and I will admit he's attractive. Erin and the Sass are big fans of this guy...I can't betray my Andy. Here's a little preview of what its like to be in Starbucks with Tommy...

A Gimp with a Limp

Or does the limp make me a gimp?

I've achieved the impossible. Somehow I, Sarah, have sprained a ligament usually reserved for injury of the athletic.

I have a sprained MCL, cankles and bird legs. Surely this proves the Lord has a sense of humor.

TENNIS

I'm going to go ahead and warn you there will be lots of tennis talk this week. The Sass, Erin and I are going back for our second year at the tennis tourney in Memphis. I'm so excited I can barely sleep at night. I mean its like Christmas...maybe even better. I remind Sass every day that we're going. So far my fav. up an coming boy John Isner lost in the first round, yep pretty sure I cried, and James Blake has withdrawn for the second year in a row. Just not in the cards for us to see Blake play in person. We will be there for the finals this weekend so we will hopefully have internet to update you on the ridiculousness that unfolds. As you can see from pics in previous posts it can get pretty ridiculous.

6 more days...

Love is a Battlefield

Once again we have brought back the featured blogger. Although this blogger is to remain anonymous. Enjoy!

Amber has wanted me to do a post on this blog for quite some time, so now I finally found a subject to entertain. I decided to do something crazy recently. Something hopefully life changing! Something experimental. Are you sitting down?? I tried eHarmony. Yes, the site that has the commercials with the "parade of soul mates" that were found by matching them on 29 dimensions that are proven to work. Well, I was curious & signed up for one month. I will start by saying I have no clue as to what these 29 dimensions are now, (laugh). So, sit down and enjoy the play by play of my two dates that eHarmony thought would be perfect matches for me.

Date 1: Jeff, 29
*First of all, Jeff & I did speak a few times & we emailed a lot before I agreed to go out with him. We seemed to have a good deal in common.
*I asked Jeff how tall he was before we met and he confidently told me he was 5'10". I thought, great! Uh - no. He was, at best, 5'7". Where this may not matter to you, it does to me. I would say the past 5 people I have dated have been my height or shorter. As soon as I saw that not only was he shorter than me, but a small frame I texted Claire & said "he's small!!!" If I can't imagine sitting in his lap without breaking him, I don't want any part of it.
*He did not talk .. much... much at all. I'm a talker. Some may consider me outgoing. It was uncomfortable. You can't carry a conversation with yourself. Good thing dinner was quick & then we went to a piano bar where it was sure to be loud & no talk could continue.
*We didn't talk too much on the date. We were entertained by the smooth sounds of the men tickling the ivory at Twist & Shout until around 11pm. He had to get home & I was fine to go home.
Recap: Shorter than me, small in frame, quiet ... but very nice, a gentleman, and told me I was prettier in person than in my pictures (all together now: "awwwwww") Second date potential - nah. I'm passing. I gotta have a man who is bigger than me & can talk.

Date 2: Shanon, 29
*I will start with, I wish I had never agreed to this date. After trying to get to know him through email first he asked me repeatedly "when are you going to let me take you out." I gave in.
*First time he called he sounded like he just walked in the house, off of the farm, in overalls... COUNNNNTRY. (my response: ewww!)
*We met at Ocean & he was actually a lot cuter in person than in his pictures AND he wasn't so country after all. He was a metro who talked as if he was from Elba, AL.
*After dinner we went to the Blue Money for a drink to waste time before the comedy club. This is where the sh*t hit the fan. He told me about his brother who he lives with & is going through a divorce. Shannon: "Yes, it was a bad situation from the get-go. He met her at a bar, she was 10 yrs younger & he really was just looking to get laid. She got pregnant and then they got married." HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS WHEN SAYING ALL OF THAT! WHO SAYS THAT ON A FIRST DATE? I could immediately sense my facial expression of sheer terror. "Get laid." Don't say that, please, no. Ok, he had one drink (as did I) and joked about being drunk. Funny at first, not funny the 3rd & 4th times later in the night.
*Comedy Club - I wish I could take back these 2 hours of my life NOW. I have been before on a 2nd date, years ago and it was painfully awkward then. This night, 10x worse. Pauly Shore is a old, washed up and obscene guy. He was obscene x 100000. Yes, that bad. Let's see, he came out of the curtain talking of his sexual experiences and then would do facial experessions and expected everyone to love it & laugh. Me, no, not so much. Utter disgust & was repulsed beyond comprehension. I thought, if this guy loves this type of humor, eHarmony sucks on matching people up. We left and here's how the last 10 min of the date went:
Shannon: "Pretty funny, huh?"
Me: "Uh, not so much to me. Too much for my taste. A bit over the line. He looked drunk, old & messed up."
Shannon: "hahaha...cool.... yah."
Me: "Thanks for the date, I had a great time." "Thanks for everything."
Shannon: "You're welcome. You're prettier in person than your pictures."
Me: **thinking...what the crap do I look like in my pictures!!*** "Thanks, you're sweet. Are you ok to drive home?" --Said that b/c it was past midnight and he had a drive ahead of him.
Shannon: "I'm drunk. Can I stay with you?"
Me: (long pause) awkward laugh, "Uh, are you serious?" with sly look of "No way, Jose."
Shannon: "hahahhaa... No. I hope we can go out again."
Me: "Yah, sure." (I give a hug & slide off quickly to my car)

Recap: No way I will go out with him again. We had a few things in common, not enough for a 2nd date. He did mention he thought I was more of a party girl than I turned out to be. I apologized for the disappointment.

So, for all of you who are curious to try eHarmony - do it. It was an interesting experience but I did not come CLOSE to true love or anything related. The money I paid ($59.99) was paid back to me on both dates I guess. If you want to look at it that way. But was my time wasted ... maybe.

I guess I will go back to searching for love in more conventional ways ...

HE'S BAAAACCCK TOO!!!!

Oh Andy
And the ladies (Amber, Erin and Sarah) rejoice. Hopefully, he'll smile.

He's BAAAACCCK and so are my thoughts.

My personal favorite blogger (no offense, Hicks) is back to his old ways. I'll let you find it on your own.

On another note, I think Chris Farley was so great on SNL.

Extras is a hilarious show. I laugh awkwardly for 28 minutes straight.

I apparently can't make a normal face in photographs taken by my friends.

It is not in the cards for me to eat sushi in Nashville.

Dexter's a good show, but not as good as I hoped. I will still watch the 2nd disc.

I have laughed a lot while alone in the past week. Mostly at a certain childhood picture.

The Berge is a laugh a minute on iChat. Talk to her daily if you don't.

HELLLLOOOOO!!!!

dum dum dum DA du DA

It has come to my attention that auditions for Amazing Race 14 are to be held this summer. Get ready for preparations for this.

Makin' it happen...

S

fierce FIERCE Fierce FiErCe FIeRce fieRCE FiERce

Annnd here were go with my randomness of a recap...

I forgot about Simone I loved her

Who was the guy sitting by Victoria(Marion maybe??)...was he on the show and I missed it??

"Young prodigy...Christian

"I don't know I did it like 4 times" (in response to Hiedi asking about Christian's hair)

how cute is Jillian

ohhh Rami you are starting to get on my nerves

Chris and Rami HA they were sitting kind of close...presh wasn't it

Christian and Jack together again...

"Victoria's always a bit uptight no or is it just me" --- gosh so right Heidi

"Kevin are you sure your not gay?"...poor guy

Jack was in L with Kevin, its okay Jack I would have been too

Christian inviting Kevin to sit next to him YES

"its a trainy(?) mess" - Christian

"girlfriend that is not cute for everyone" - eating Chinese food (Christian)

"I am coming to your planet but with gifts" - Elisa as she floats off in her space ship

Elisa writes backwards - amazing

HA HA Ricky and the tears "I'm very emotional but i can control it"

can we all say it LIGHTEN UP VICTORIA

Chris's laugh...enough said

"Chris's laugh in general is out of control" - Christian

Michael Kors loosing it in laughter...loved it

"Ferocia Coutura is my diva name and my signature move - hairspray in the eyes and then I pull a really tight braided pony tail and make the girls bleed" - Christian

Romalicious?? - hmmm not so fierce of a diva name Rami

Tim's Diva name - Poly Salabicus (sp?)

What was up with Nina Garcia's eyes..something diff?

Carmen the world is not against you....and are you a man??

Seriously who is Marion...anybody remember him??

"that is nice lovey" -- christians response to kevin being so nice

CHRISTIAN WAS FAN FAV!!!! of course are we surprised?

awww I love Michael Knight

"Cocktails for everyone..well not everyone over here" - Christian

"This is party, this is business and this is the money maker so thats how it works" - Christian describing his hair and my favorite line of the night

Seriously guys who is Marion?


I pick Christian all the way

Watch Out Cat!

Ber: cat and i were just talking about yalls leg wrestle match up
Sass: oh gosh
Ber: get ready
Sass: i don't think my legs are very strong
Sass: they're bird legs
Ber: well u better get some mustle before we come to town
Sass: what is mustle?
Ber: i don't know how u spell it
Ber: muscle
Ber: whatev
Sass: oh
Sass: hmmm
Sass: i've been trying for 27 years
Ber: kickboxing is the key
Sass: have you seen my legs?
Sass: they don't fit in boots
Ber: oh laud...well u better get a diff. stategy
Sass: hidden knives
Ber: nice
Sass: slash sass
Ber: good sass
Ber: sass scissorhands

Is it wrong...

that yesterday my boss Davy and I were walking out of a fabric store when we heard a noise that sounded like a GUFFAW and a splat only to briefly look back and see a middle aged woman on her hands and knees on the sidewalk? No that's not wrong. It is wrong that we kept walking only to get in the car and remark that falling is funny.

Is it wrong that at Kairos last night at Brentwood Baptist, my friend Lindsay and I sat listening to the pastor speak on John 4? No that's not the wrong part. Is it wrong that I heard a noise that sounded like someone either sobbing or choking coming from behind me and I didn't turn around? No one did. It turned out that it was the woman in the wheelchair who was obviously very physically challenged who had a tube down her throat. Don't worry, her friend took her out.

Little Games

I like to challenge my will power. Examples of these challenges are:
- I try to not watch TV for one day.
- I test myself to see if I can drink only water for a week.
- I commit to working out every other day.
- I try to count the amount of times I see a Honda on the way to work.

Usually, I lose.


Except for my American Idol challenge. I AM WINNING!!!!

Side-Splitting

There are few emotions I love more than laughing until I cry. I did this at work today after seeing a photo of a friend as a child. While the average person may look at it as just another picture, I see it as more of a glimpse into the early years of a certain Erin Hicks Moon.

Let me see if I can describe this photo to you. (I think this description will really help me on my creative writing skills.) Close your eyes and picture this...oh wait, no...keep reading.

Imagine a girl of about 10 or 11 sitting awkwardly on metal folding chair, probably in a church. Erin has long, dark hair with bangs that epitomize the early 90s (don't laugh, you know you had them too.) Wait, this is ridiculous....take a look for yourself.
You may say, "Sarah, that's mean. You shouldn't make fun of your friend's photos!" I concur, although Erin knows how much I love this. The thing is, I have multiple memories of photo like this. Here's to all of us who have photos that we can now laugh at! CHEERS!

OH THE VEST!!! THE VEST!!!!

Step away from the draping...

We finally got cable...you know what that means PR UPDATE!!! I have lots of random thoughts so you might have to excuse my formatting this week peeps...heres my recap:

Draping ugghhhh of course Rami loved the Met...I just wanted to say step away from the draping. Chris's giggle makes me laugh really hard...it echoed through the Met. Then when he goes to sleep and Tim has to go wake him up like a 5 year old at nap time...histerical. Of course Sweet P's model was late, poor thing nothing ever goes her way. I love Jillian I mean she's putting her outfit together in a halter dress and hills. I think I connect with her...if I was a designer I would be her. Here we go with Christian quotes of the night:


Christian looking at Chris's design in disdain..."mmm hmm the colors are pretty"

"I'm so fast get over it...everyone in that room should be sewing fast too"


"I'm so over it"


"you tell him Tim" in response to Tim getting the 5 yr. old Chris up from nap time


"and the blouse looks so good on me -- thats all that really matters for me" (I might have misquoted that one but that sounds much better to me...and thats all that really matters right?)


"I know lady don't you worry" talking to Tim

"waking up the day of the runway OMG I have to look amazing...made sure my hair was extra fierce" while flat ironing his hur

"Who didn't hate each other I sure did...every 5 mins. I was wanting to cut somebody"

Annnd my favorite moment of the night Christian winning the challenge and prancing off the stage

Jillian coming in close second did the dirty dancing move (which I so would have done too)

"Rami your also in"...I knew they would do it to me, I knew it

Here is my preview for next week:

"I just have to say if being on project runway didn't turn you gay nothing will" - Tim

My Effing Text

Some of you were fortunate enough receive a text message from me tonight that said "I hate effing Valentine's Day".

I was driving north on I-65 almost to my exit when it hit me. I hate this day. All day I've been fine. Then it hit.

I had a mini-pity party in my car when I started thinking about what I was going to do for dinner. I thought how much of a loser I would look like going by to get dinner for one. I felt the need to text my friends and let them share in my moment of ridiculousness and self-loathing. So after a brief moment of being near tears, I started laughing at myself and realizing that I am not alone in my loneliness.

SUCK ON THAT SAINT VALENTINES!

What the French Toast!

Sooo my parents have satellite. We got the hook up through a friend of my dads, but what I really think happened is he stole it and now we're screwed. You never get the hook up on cable...

The satellite is out right now! I'm panicking...yes that means I will not get to watch Project Runway, only one of the most important episodes!!!


Ahhhh so no spoilers. I will find it somehow and update I promise.

a new nickname perhaps?

Today I was on my way to meet the B-Ragg for dinner in Hillsboro Village. I saw that I needed gasoline badly so I stopped at a Shell. After pulling in next to the pump and zipping up my coat, I opened the door and popped the gas tank door. Except the door didn't pop.

It has been below freezing here in Nashville today. Yesterday it was 50-something; today it was below 32 all day. I woke up at my usual time (7:45) and got ready then walked out the door to a beautiful white, winter wonderland.

The point of that small aside is to let you know that my gas tank door was frozen shut. I was almost on E and had about 15 miles to go. How was I to get gasoline in a gas tank that was as unaccessible as my ex-boyfriends? (Oh wait, those are non-existent!)

Step in...Sarah Mac(Gyver). With just a credit card and fingernail file, (Mac)Gyver maneuvered her way into that gas tank. BOOYA!!!!

I'm sure a TV show is next for me...Oh wait again, I'm already on a TV show.

AR Update

Some of you care, some of you don't give a d&$*...Hicks and I are still going to be on The Amazing Race. That's right, not "Hicks and I are still going to apply to be on The Amazing Race." ON IT!!!!

Erin has a website that will notify her when applications are needed and auditions are taking place...at least that's what she's told me.

Bring it on. She's even been in training.

By the way, if you aren't reading Erin's blog, you're not really living.

(psst...is that enough plugs for you?)

Way Cool

So I work for a church marketing company managing a direct mail program and these are kinds of emails I get:

Hi Amber,

The changes look great. Our Pastor wanted to make one more change though. Would you remove the word "Contemporary" in the 9:15am and 10:30am Worship section? It should just read "Way Cool" Worship. Thanks.



---Pretty sure if you are calling it Way Cool...its not Way Cool says Me Mi, I just nod my head

Shawty

This got me today http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,330460,00.html

Thanks Erin!

Changes

There are some things you just can't change. I know, I know...everything can be changed. However, there are a few things in our society that I believe are unchangeable.

To prove my point, I give you driving on the right side of the road. We could not have a mass driving change to the left side of the road, as the Brits do. Think about the logistics of this. It would be disastrous. Someone wouldn't get the message; Hundreds of wrecks would occur; The government would get sued. You just can't feasibly do this.

To my larger, and I feel, more important point.

YOU CANNOT CHANGE THE RULES OF WASHING HANDS AFTER USING THE RESTROOM. We are too far gone for this. We already have a massive amount of men not washing their hands, and judging by the footsteps I hear walk directly from the stall to the exit, a lot of women too. I've heard rumblings of it being more sanitary to get your paper towels first before you soap up and rinse. This would be great if we as a society could actually make this change all at once. For those of us who do wash our hands and get paper towels post-wash, we become tainted by this new rule. I don't like it and I'm not going to do this. Until we can make it mandatory, I'm not about pre-wash paper towel getting.

(This has been irking me for some time now. Just now got the time to think about it and write.)

When Would You Live?

If you could live in any period of time, other than our own, when would you choose to live (being at your current age)?

Sarah's answer: World War II

Sarah's explanation: Men seemed to be men. Women seemed to be appreciated for being women. Now granted, I would still love women to have the same rights that we do now (even more than we do now,) however there is something so romantic about this time period.

Sarah's 2nd answer: The Old West

Sarah's 2nd explanation: I would want to be a woman who would sit on top of a piano in a saloon and sing. That'd be cool.

Re: Who are we?

Phoebe...HAHAHAHA. Am I Phoebe? That would actually make my day. When I took the quiz I was Chandler and Ross. Yep Ross both times, ha.

Here is Chandler's profile since you didn't get it the first time:

You are part Chandler. You're funny and that's why people like to have you around. You're also a great friend, and when someone you care about is in trouble, they know to come to you for some level-headed advice followed by some sharp sarcasm.

Sass is...
CHANDLER

Who Are We?

I have posed the challenge to Ber to take the "Which Friends Character Am I?" test, both for her and for me.

Sarah is:

Which Friends Character Are You?
	You are Ross. You're intelligent and adored by your parents. However, your lack of social skills causes you to talk too much and try too hard. While your friends pick on you for your nerdiness, they better watch our for your rage.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Amber is:

Which Friends Character Are You?
	You are part Phoebe. You're the weird kid with odd habits. Most people don't know it, but you're kinky in bed. Your childhood memories aren't your best, but why do you care? There's plenty of time to make up for your lost childhood now that you're an adult.
	You are part Ross. You're intelligent and adored by your parents. However, your lack of social skills causes you to talk too much and try too hard. While your friends pick on you for your nerdiness, they better watch our for your rage.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

Barosha Catura

First of all if I was a designer I would have hated this challenged. WWE? Second of all Ricky didn't cry...I'm in shock, prob. the first time he hasn't. ALSO I think Ricky had a crush on his diva...strange? Chris was having waaay too much fun with this challenge and the ladies..ummmm yah. Christian got Tim to say FIERCE multiple times...he loves him, I mean how can you not love Christian by now??? And now for the Christian quotes and such:

"there have been some hot messes in this final 6"

"you gotta work it out Tim"

"work it out" (snapping 3 times while saying it)

"you will have 30 mins at spandex house" --Tim (spandex house--you know thats trouble)

"OMG I was so fierce"

"my shoes sliding" --- HIGH PITCH while somehow beating Sweet P at arm wrestle

"OMG I'm so tired....I'm a beast you guys you just don't KNOW"

"its so hot...its kind of amazing"

"at the end of the day you help people and their work still isn't great"

"Barosha Catura...she sprays girls in the eyes with hair spray"--when asked what his diva would be (my fav. quote of the night)

"fabulousssss"

"Sweet P's outfit was looking like a big craft project I could have done in 1st grade"

"I loved my finish look I wish I could wear it" -- Chris (mental picture NO NO)

Exhibit A

The Sass and I often have convo's where we do not communicate...Exhibit A

Ber: i think he needs to start a fun co. and let us all work for him
Ber: he would be good at that
Sass: a fun company?
Sass: where you manufacture fun?
Ber: exactly
Ber: brad's middle name
Sass: manufacture
Ber: huh
Ber: no fun
Sass: no fun?
Ber: this going nowhere fast
Ber: fun
Ber: sass
Ber: fun is brad's middle name
Sass: i am fun

iFlip

Erin don't you think Sass should get me an iFlip for my birthday. This would only enhance the blog. I'm asking for this to benefit you and the readers.

iChat

You want more ichats...you got them

ber: sass i wore my purple tights today and they are PURPLE...i didn't realize they were so bright ha
sass: don't be a human times square, berge
ber: i mean i'm just celebrating mardi gras
sass: such a cajun
ber: thats what they say
sass: i've heard that...do you speak french?
ber: wi wi
sass: oui
ber: same diff
sass: not to the french
ber: i'm not french and neither r u
sass: i took 6 years bergula

...and no I don't approve of bergula

ERIN, I THINK I HAVE CANKLES!!!!!!

SURVEY TIME

So we are trying to get a feel for what the reader's like or don't like. Just simply let us know what your favorite posts have been. Tell us things that you might like to see added.

PS...Sass says she is the funnier one. I beg to differ who doesn't like pics of me for their blog and such (i mean thats funny, no denying it)

King Cake

I've bought the dessert that puts fear in the hearts of dentists and orthodontists everywhere...King Cake.

I'll be honest. I bought it begrudgingly even though it's one of my favorite desserts. I'm not sure if I'll even put the baby in, mostly because people act like you win when you actually get the baby, but really you lose...you have to buy the cake the next year. BOOO!

I also have the fear of biting down on this plastic tooth breaker. That's it, I've decided. NO BABY!!!

Escapades

While you were getting Lost last night, I was getting Arrested Development(ally)...Love it!

Back On.

I'll admit it...I'm back on my drug of choice...REBA.

Sarah Moseley, thank you for helping me to see that I've been hiding the truth.