Once again we have brought back the featured blogger. Although this blogger is to remain anonymous. Enjoy!
Amber has wanted me to do a post on this blog for quite some time, so now I finally found a subject to entertain. I decided to do something crazy recently. Something hopefully life changing! Something experimental. Are you sitting down?? I tried eHarmony. Yes, the site that has the commercials with the "parade of soul mates" that were found by matching them on 29 dimensions that are proven to work. Well, I was curious & signed up for one month. I will start by saying I have no clue as to what these 29 dimensions are now, (laugh). So, sit down and enjoy the play by play of my two dates that eHarmony thought would be perfect matches for me.
Date 1: Jeff, 29
*First of all, Jeff & I did speak a few times & we emailed a lot before I agreed to go out with him. We seemed to have a good deal in common.
*I asked Jeff how tall he was before we met and he confidently told me he was 5'10". I thought, great! Uh - no. He was, at best, 5'7". Where this may not matter to you, it does to me. I would say the past 5 people I have dated have been my height or shorter. As soon as I saw that not only was he shorter than me, but a small frame I texted Claire & said "he's small!!!" If I can't imagine sitting in his lap without breaking him, I don't want any part of it.
*He did not talk .. much... much at all. I'm a talker. Some may consider me outgoing. It was uncomfortable. You can't carry a conversation with yourself. Good thing dinner was quick & then we went to a piano bar where it was sure to be loud & no talk could continue.
*We didn't talk too much on the date. We were entertained by the smooth sounds of the men tickling the ivory at Twist & Shout until around 11pm. He had to get home & I was fine to go home.
Recap: Shorter than me, small in frame, quiet ... but very nice, a gentleman, and told me I was prettier in person than in my pictures (all together now: "awwwwww") Second date potential - nah. I'm passing. I gotta have a man who is bigger than me & can talk.
Date 2: Shanon, 29
*I will start with, I wish I had never agreed to this date. After trying to get to know him through email first he asked me repeatedly "when are you going to let me take you out." I gave in.
*First time he called he sounded like he just walked in the house, off of the farm, in overalls... COUNNNNTRY. (my response: ewww!)
*We met at Ocean & he was actually a lot cuter in person than in his pictures AND he wasn't so country after all. He was a metro who talked as if he was from Elba, AL.
*After dinner we went to the Blue Money for a drink to waste time before the comedy club. This is where the sh*t hit the fan. He told me about his brother who he lives with & is going through a divorce. Shannon: "Yes, it was a bad situation from the get-go. He met her at a bar, she was 10 yrs younger & he really was just looking to get laid. She got pregnant and then they got married." HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS WHEN SAYING ALL OF THAT! WHO SAYS THAT ON A FIRST DATE? I could immediately sense my facial expression of sheer terror. "Get laid." Don't say that, please, no. Ok, he had one drink (as did I) and joked about being drunk. Funny at first, not funny the 3rd & 4th times later in the night.
*Comedy Club - I wish I could take back these 2 hours of my life NOW. I have been before on a 2nd date, years ago and it was painfully awkward then. This night, 10x worse. Pauly Shore is a old, washed up and obscene guy. He was obscene x 100000. Yes, that bad. Let's see, he came out of the curtain talking of his sexual experiences and then would do facial experessions and expected everyone to love it & laugh. Me, no, not so much. Utter disgust & was repulsed beyond comprehension. I thought, if this guy loves this type of humor, eHarmony sucks on matching people up. We left and here's how the last 10 min of the date went:
Shannon: "Pretty funny, huh?"
Me: "Uh, not so much to me. Too much for my taste. A bit over the line. He looked drunk, old & messed up."
Shannon: "hahaha...cool.... yah."
Me: "Thanks for the date, I had a great time."
Shannon: "You're welcome. You're prettier in person than your pictures."
Me: **thinking...what the crap do I look like in my pictures!!*** "Thanks, you're sweet. Are you ok to drive home?" --Said that b/c it was past midnight and he had a drive ahead of him.
Shannon: "I'm drunk. Can I stay with you?"
Me: (long pause) awkward laugh, "Uh, are you serious?" with sly look of "No way, Jose."
Shannon: "hahahhaa... No. I hope we can go out again."
Me: "Yah, sure." (I give a hug & slide off quickly to my car)
Recap: No way I will go out with him again. We had a few things in common, not enough for a 2nd date. He did mention he thought I was more of a party girl than I turned out to be. I apologized for the disappointment.
So, for all of you who are curious to try eHarmony - do it. It was an interesting experience but I did not come CLOSE to true love or anything related. The money I paid ($59.99) was paid back to me on both dates I guess. If you want to look at it that way. But was my time wasted ... maybe.
I guess I will go back to searching for love in more conventional ways ...
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